What I've done so far.

        In my first draft of the revision for paper 3, I tried to take out a lot of the choppy, unneeded sentences that just didn’t make sense. Just going through and doing that made my paper a lot simpler and easier to understand. I also went through and fixed or added better topic and ending sentences to all the paragraphs. I also took out a few paragraphs that had no relevance to my thesis statement at all and that made my entire paper flow a lot better. I tried to simplify my paragraphs so that they were to the point and so that I could get my point across better. Another thing I tried to do was to change how some of the sentences started so that there was some variety in the sentences. I didn’t want my paper to be boring and repetitive so I changed a few sentences around and took things out that didn’t belong. I put all the quotes in one paragraph so that they weren’t all over the place along with the explanations as to why I put the quotes into my paper to begin with. I feel like it was organized better that was and was easier to understand because they were together. I also completely rewrote my conclusion and tried to piece it together with the parts of the essay that I already have without making it too repetitive. I think I need a little bit more feedback on how to make sure that my conclusion isn’t repetitive so that my paper itself is stronger. Other than that, I think that revising my paper helped me understand more about how to correctly write a paper.

Essay 3: Revision Draft 1

College is a period of time full of hard work, stress, and late nights. Any college student working towards a degree understands and would agree with that. Sometimes it’s tempting on a late night of studying to opt for a pick-me-up, and whether the student chooses a coffee or a drug, that’s their choice. “The Last All-Nighter” an article by Kate Miller from the New York Times, tells a story about a senior at U.C.L.A. who is in the final moments before graduating and is having trouble keeping focused and therefore turns to drugs to help. After graduating and getting a real job, she still continues to struggle with drug addiction.  This piece focuses more on the personal experiences of the author, Kate Miller, and less on the factual evidence which would have made the argument about drug addiction stronger and also much more convincing. Despite the lack of logos, the use of ethos makes the paper seem convincing but when taken into consideration, the absence of facts makes the author seem unreliable. It seems like she didn’t care enough about her argument because she didn’t take the time to research the topic she was writing about. Throughout her essay, she relies way too much on ethos and not enough on logos or pathos, although her argument about drug addiction is valid thanks to her personal experiences.

When it comes to the argument about A.D.D. drugs and how they’re used, I honestly feel that they are a good choice for a person who suffers from the condition because it helps them focus more than they can on their own. Other people who illegally use the A.D.D drugs use them for the same reason but can easily slip down a slippery slope. A quote that really struck me was, “Uninsured, I chose to pay hundreds for a refill instead of buying groceries. I’d consume far more than my allocated does, then spend sleepless nights tossing and turning, my mind racing and my heart pounding, only to wake up and take another pill with a coffee to compensate.” This quote uses Miller’s personal experience with drug use to show that she was willing to do anything and skip eating food, which is obviously needed to survive, just to fulfill her addiction. When Miller used this quote, “Eventually, I cared less about balancing alcohol and medication, and more about escaping my dim routine of dependency. My quest for a more polished self became so superficial that I lost track of my goals. It took an old friend to notice the changes,” I thought it was one of the best sentences in her entire paper. Again, it uses the author’s actual experience to prove her argument. It quickly shows the reader that using drugs to get ahead in life won’t do what you want it to do for you. In paragraph eight, she says, “I was now getting high seven times a week, every night a delicate balancing act.” I think that this line supports her argument the most because she’s trying to tell everyone that there is no shortcut to success and that taking and relying on drugs to get you to a successful life, in the long run, isn’t going to work out in your favor.  With the author arguing that there is no shortcut to maturity and success, she, herself, proves that using drugs even just to keep her awake at night so she could finish her work never meant that she was destined for success. These examples are using ethos because the author is trying to show the audience what happened to her personally. It shows that her battle with drug addiction basically ruined her life and that no good came out of it at all.

One weakness that I think takes away from the piece of writing is the fact that there are so many different paragraphs that could’ve been put together to make her argument stronger. It seems like her thoughts are unorganized and it gets very hard to understand her main point. In the beginning of her paper, it starts with an opening or introduction to the author’s life during her senior year in college and goes on about how she started doing drugs. I think that this introduction paragraph was too simple and didn’t catch the reader’s attention at all. Starting off the first sentence with a shocking statistic about how many college students use Adderall illegally for their “benefit” would’ve been a much better way to hook the reader and make them want to read on further. In the next paragraph, the author is still talking about her first experience with the drug. I think that this paragraph should’ve been part of the first one because it’s the same topic and tells the end of the story that she already started telling in the previous paragraph. When writing a paper that is trying to argue such an important topic in today’s society, it should be better written and much more organized that it was so that it’s easy for the audience to follow.

Although she made a lot of good points from her own personal experience, which does prove to be somewhat convincing, there were more ways to make her piece that much better. If she did a little bit of research on how many college students used some kind of A.D.D. drug to help them focus and used that statistic to prove her experiences that would’ve made her argument convincing. Using logos in an argumentative paper like this makes it a lot better because it shows the audience that you’re trustworthy and that you know what you’re talking about. It also shows that there are scientifically proven facts that using drugs is a bad choice and that nothing good would ever come of using them. I think that using facts like that would’ve made her seem very educated about the topic and that in itself would’ve made the paper much better. I also think that using quotes from other people that have gone through the same or similar experiences could’ve added to her entire paper and made it that much more believable. This is true because when she used her own personal experiences in the paper; it was almost shocking that something like that could happen to someone like her. If she used other personal experiences from different types of people, it would’ve proved that drugs can affect all kinds of people not just college graduates. This would also open the paper up to more of an audience such as people who are drug users and not just college students. It could potentially make them all understand the negative effects of using drugs and make them stop. From beginning to end, Miller talks about her personal life and doesn’t include statistics about drug addiction to prove her argument. If she worked a few into her piece then her argument, in its entirety would’ve been more cogent.

Paper number 3

The essay that I am going to revise for our final paper is essay two. For me, it was just easier to write about the second topic that I chose rather than the first. My second essay was already long enough for the rewrite too, so I only need to change a few things in it to make it better. I feel overall, that my second paper was better too. I am going to try to make the thesis more specific which will help make my body paragraphs shorter and less like nonsense. I am also going to add in more transitional phrases into my paragraphs to make it flow better. Another important thing to make my paper better is working on the topic sentences and the ending sentences. If I make them stronger, then the paper will sound more intelligible. I am also thinking about changing the layout of my paper entirely which goes along with making a stronger thesis. If I make it simpler it would be easier to follow and to understand what argument I’m trying to make. I will also make sure to make an original title because I completely forgot to do it for essay two. 

What Would You Do?

College is a period of time full of hard work, stress, and late nights. Any college student working towards a degree understands and would agree with that. Sometimes it’s tempting on a late night of studying to opt for a pick-me-up, whether the student chooses a coffee or a drug, that’s their choice. “The Last All-Nighter” tells a story about a senior at U.C.L.A. who is having some trouble keeping focused in the final moments before graduating and being sent out into the real world. After graduating and getting a real job, she still continues to struggle with drug addiction.  It even gets to the point where she has to choose if she wants to eat dinner every night or if she wants to continue using. Overall, this piece focuses more on the personal experiences of the author, Kate Miller, and less on the factual evidence which would have made the argument about drug addiction stronger and also much more convincing. Despite the lack of logos, the excessive use of ethos makes the piece seem somewhat convincing but when taken into consideration, the absence of facts makes the author seem unreliable in the sense that she didn’t take the time to research the topic she was writing about. Throughout her essay, she relies way too much on ethos and not enough on logos or pathos, although her argument about drug addiction is valid thanks to her personal experiences. From beginning to end, Miller talks about her personal life and doesn’t include statistics about drug addiction to prove her argument. If she worked a few into her piece then her argument, in its entirety would’ve been more cogent.

A quote that really struck me was, “Uninsured, I chose to pay hundreds for a refill instead of buying groceries. I’d consume far more than my allocated does, then spend sleepless nights tossing and turning, my mind racing and my heart pounding, only to wake up and take another pill with a coffee to compensate.” This goes to show that she was willing to do anything and skip eating food, which is obviously needed to survive, just to fulfill her addiction. This quote also works well with proving her argument because for the same reasons. This entire paragraph proves that she uses way too many paragraphs to explain the same thing over and over again. It gets very confusing and it’s hard to follow at some points. When Miller used this quote, “Eventually, I cared less about balancing alcohol and medication, and more about escaping my dim routine of dependency. My quest for a more polished self became so superficial that I lost track of my goals. It took an old friend to notice the changes,” I thought it was one of the best sentences in her entire paper. It quickly proves to the reader that using drugs to get ahead in life won’t do what you want it to do. With the author arguing that there is no shortcut to maturity and success, she, herself, proves that using drugs even just to keep her awake at night so she could finish her work never meant that she was destined for success. She never took into consideration that her tolerance would increase and that she would have to sacrifice things that we as humans need every day to survive just to feed into her addiction that she thought was helping her. These examples are using ethos because the author is trying to show the audience what happened to her personally and that it basically ruined her life and that no good came out of it at all.

One weakness that I think takes away from the piece of writing is the fact that there are so many different paragraphs that could’ve been put together to make her argument stronger. It seems like her thoughts are unorganized and it gets very hard to understand her main point. In the beginning of her paper, it starts with an opening or introduction to the author’s life during her senior year in college and goes on about how she started doing the drug. I think that this introduction paragraph was too simple and didn’t catch the reader’s attention at all. Starting off the first sentence with a shocking statistic about how many college students use Adderall illegally for their “benefit” would’ve been a much better way to hook the reader and make them want to read on further. In the next paragraph, the author is still talking about her first experience with the drug. I think that this paragraph should’ve been part of the first one because it’s the same topic and tells the end of the story that she already started telling in the previous paragraph.

The fourth paragraph goes deeper into the story about when she really started using the drug, which was after she had already graduated from college and got a job in New York as a paralegal.  She was an English major and was only 23 at the time. In the fifth paragraph, she talks more about her job as a paralegal and then realizes that after working on a three month project that the job wasn’t for her. She also said that it wasn’t worth the “large and consistent paycheck.“ In paragraph eight, she talks about how she started to rely more and more on the Adderall and how she started drinking alcohol to help her sleep at night because the meds had no off switch for when she got out of work. She uses a quote to end this paragraph that I think adds a lot to the piece of writing. It says, “I was now getting high seven times a week, every night a delicate balancing act.” I think that this line supports her argument the most because she’s trying to tell everyone that there is no shortcut to success and that taking and relying on drugs to get you to a successful life, in the long run, isn’t going to work out in your favor. The chances of an overdose were obviously very high for her and that would’ve been the end. In paragraph ten, she finally quits her paralegal job and the health insurance that came with it. She got a new job as an assistant editor at a high profile woman’s magazine but she had no health insurance. Being an addict, she didn’t care what she had to do to get her drugs. This should’ve all been put together into one paragraph. If she told the story all together and then told the reader about the consequences of her actions after, it would’ve proved her argument a lot better and it would’ve been a lot easier to follow.

Although she made a lot of good points from her own personal experience, which does prove to be somewhat convincing, there were more ways to make her piece that much better. If she did a little bit of research on how many college students used some kind of A.D.D. drug to help them focus and used that statistic to prove her experiences that would’ve blown it out of the water. Using logos in an argumentative paper like this makes it a lot more convincing because it shows the audience that you’re trustworthy and that you know what you’re talking about. It also shows that there are scientifically proven facts that using drugs is a bad choice and that nothing good would ever come of using them. I think that using facts like that would’ve made her seem very educated about the topic and that in itself would’ve made the paper much better. I also think that using quotes from other people that have gone through the same or similar experiences could’ve added to her entire paper and made it that much more believable. This is true because when she used her own personal experiences in the paper; it was almost shocking that something like that could happen to someone like her. If she used other personal experiences from different types of people, it would’ve proved that drugs can affect all kinds of people not just college graduates. This would also open the paper up to more of an audience such as people who are drug users and not just college students. It could potentially make them all understand the negative effects of using drugs and make them stop.

Kate Miller was just a senior in college when she started using Adderall. This shows how badly she wanted and needed to use something because she thought she would get ahead. Her argument is trying to prove that even when the going gets tough, the best thing to do is not to turn to drugs or other things that. In the long run, they are only going to hurt you rather than help you get ahead and be successful.  I believe that Kate Miller is a very strong writer but if she used a different technique when writing her paper she could’ve done a lot better when it comes to the convincing the audience. 

Grade Inflation

            When reading Kohn’s article, overall I noticed that he was kind of all over the place. He started his essay with one topic and then ended it with another. He used his own arguments to make his other arguments invalid. He does use a lot of logos when he is trying to prove his first argument that grade inflation doesn’t exist but the next argument states that if grade inflation did exist it would be okay, which invalidates his original argument. It was very confusing to read and hard to understand exactly what Kohn was trying to argue because he was going back and forth between what he was originally trying to prove and the opposite of that as well. 

Remember when..?

Remember when..?

Using the ad of a sliced tomato shaped as a ketchup bottle can be trying to sell the illusion of pure happiness and nostalgia to people of all shapes and sizes.  I think this is true because of how the ad is set up more than anything else.

By looking at the ad shown, only the tomatoes that Heinz uses in their ketchup are fresh enough to use in their ketchup and that is what makes Heinz the best brand of ketchup to use. In the ad, it shows a tomato sliced up and shaped like a bottle. This is an obvious way to tell the person looking at the ad that they are either trying to sell the tomatoes or that they are trying to sell the ketchup that comes from these tomatoes. Since the ad is for Heinz, we automatically assume they are trying to sell us the ketchup. The ad literally shows a sliced up tomato shaped as a bottle of ketchup. It even still has the green leaves and a stem on the top of it as if it was freshly picked from the vines.

An emotion in the ad is humor. I think this because of how the tomato is portrayed as a bottle and how it is made up of sliced up tomatoes. If someone were to look at this picture in a magazine or something along those lines, it would first make them take a double take because of how weird the ad looks at first glance. After looking at the image for a short time, I think that the person looking at it would realize that it is humorous because of what it is. Another thing that ads humor to the picture is that at the top of the bottle, there are leaves and a stem from the tomato which relates back to the fact that Heinz is trying to make their product seem like the best brand of ketchup to use.

This also proves the theory that they believe that their tomatoes are the freshest. To me, the story behind this ad is someone, whether it be someone who works with Heinz or just another person who grows tomatoes, decided to grow a tomato garden and they ended up being so fresh someone didn’t even have to make the ketchup, the tomatoes could stand for themselves. On the picture, the words say, “No one grows ketchup like Heinz.” This quote at the bottom makes everything fit together. It proves that they think that Heinz ketchup is made with the best and the freshest tomatoes and that they are the best ketchup brand.

The quote at the bottom of the ad strikes me as odd. It says that no one grows ketchup like Heinz. We all know that ketchup has to be made and that you can’t grow bottles of ketchup. So, why did they choose this quote? I believe that they carefully picked this quote over anything else because it shows that they believe in their ketchup product. It also shows that they think their brand reigns over all the other ketchup brands making Heinz ketchup the freshest and best tasting as if it were grown from a vine by the bottle.

            The audience that this ad appeals to, I believe, is a younger group of people. The simple fact that it looks like a cartoon could appeal to children who would then ask their mothers or fathers to buy them the “cool ketchup”. It could appeal to older people because they have used this product for a long time and they could think that the ad is refreshing and humorous or it could make them remember that they used to enjoy the specific brand “Heinz” when they were little.

Another audience that this ad could appeal to is people who eat organic foods. The ad doesn’t specifically say that their ketchup is organic but the fact that the ad shows a picture of a ketchup bottle made out of slices tomatoes and the writing on the ad says, “No one grows ketchup like Heinz.” If a person who only ate organic food saw this, they might take the time out of their day to look more into the ketchup to see if it really is an organic choice or not. Even if they decide that it’s not, they can still use their research to promote this product to other people they know that may not only eat organic foods.

            I think that this ad is trying to sell happiness as an emotion. Like I said before, it could make an older person reminisce about their life when they were younger and it could bring back happy memories for them. For younger children, it could bring them happiness from laughter if they were to see this ad posted somewhere in a magazine that their parent reads. I think that children would find that this ad makes them happy because it’s weird and out of the norm of what they usually see in advertisements. 

Debt: What causes it?

1. The most debt causes in the United States is caused by people wanting to buy a new car or a new house. It causes the most debt because they are probably the most expensive items to buy in today's market.
2. If it weren't for so many people buying houses and cars, credit cards would be the easiest way to rack up the debt.

Tumblr is life.

If someone were to go on to my Tumblr blog, I wouldn't know what to do. Especially if it was someone that I knew or was close to. My blog is the the real me that no one knows. The ethos that it shows is that I'm a normal teenage girl that has her good days and bad days. Although it's mostly a bunch of pictures of cats smiling and other dorky stuff. On other days it could be quotes from sad songs. It's pretty much an online diary. Sometimes it's all happy pictures and animals but sometimes it's negative and sad. If someone I knew personally were to go on it and ask me what it portrays about me, it would speak for itself. I think that my Tumblr blog is the perfect social networking site to show my character and to show my feelings. 

We the people of the United States...

I believe that overall, President Obama’s speech was fantastic. He spoke with a lot of care and tried to make it for the people. By using the words, “We the people,” over and over again he related the Constitution to things that are going well in today’s America. He also used that to relate the Constitution to things in today’s world that need to be changed. When speaking in terms of ethos, Obama made the speech very personal to Americans by including things that have happened to us in the past such as the tragedy in Newtown. The biggest thing that made Barack Obama seem to be personable was when we said that all men were created equal. What shocked me the most about this part of his speech was when he said, “It is now our generation’s task to carry on what those pioneers began. For our journey is not complete until our wives, our mothers, and daughters can earn a living equal to their efforts. Our journey is not complete until our gay brothers and sisters are treated like anyone else under the law – for if we are truly created equal, then surely the love we commit to one another must be equal as well.” No other president has talked about these issues, especially gay rights. I think that Obama talking about such controversial topics like this during his inauguration speech is amazing. This shows that he cares about the people of America and that he cares about people’s right to love who that want.

            At the end of the speech, Obama says, “You and I, as citizens, have the power to set this country’s course. You and I, as citizens, have the obligation to shape the debates of our time – not only with the votes we cast, but with the voices we lift in defense of our most ancient values and enduring ideals.” Ending a phenomenal speech with this shows that he doesn't see himself as a greater “God” per se. He believes that, he included, is just another citizen of the United States of America and that if we all work together, we can overcome the obstacles that we’re going through right now as a nation. He seems to really care about his job and the country that he runs and that makes me proud to be an American.

            

Let's spark it up.

When it comes to the debate of alcohol versus marijuana, it’s not difficult to chose a side. While there have been many new investigations into this debate, I believe that there is one definite side to back up. Even looking at specific details of both arguments, it is clear which one is safer, for lack of a better word. After carefully picking apart this image, I think that it is obvious that while alcohol is perfectly legal, minus some age restraints, marijuana is safer, again, for lack of a better word.

Starting off by noticing the words in the picture, “Can you guess which one is legal?” is kind of a joke per se. The picture itself draws it out for you. The first line of pictures starts out with a marijuana leaf, I’m pretty sure everyone  knows the meaning of that. In the second picture, it shows a couple stick figure friends hanging out together on a couch smoking some kind of marijuana. In the third picture I noticed a pizza box on the floor and a bunch of stick figure friends still sitting on the couch. In the final picture, it shows the stick figure friends holding hands with big smiles on their faces and a rainbow aura behind them. Notice how no one was harmed during their eventful escapade. This line of pictures proves to me that while and after these people engaged in smoking marijuana, all that happened was they ate some pizza, watched some TV, and possibly had a grand ole time. There was nothing bad that happened to them and they barely got up off the couch which ended with them obviously having a perfectly  fine time.

In the second line of pictures, it starts off with a bottle of alcohol. In the second picture, it shows the stick figure friends all sitting on the couch drinking out of this bottle of alcohol. Then, in the third picture it shows the stick figure friends getting into somebody’s car. In the last picture, it shows a car accident where the car is on fire and one of the stick figure friends laying in the street behind the car. There is also extensive damage to the car and evidence that they were going way too fast, which are the skid marks behind the car. This line of images proves that even though alcohol is perfectly legal, there are more fatalities and injuries from drunk driving that a group of friends sitting in someone’s house smoking a joint. Why is drinking alcohol perfectly legal, with the exception of the age restriction law which some people don’t even pay mind to? For all we know the people presented in these images could be under-aged  we aren't told any different with what we are shown.

Overall, I think that the overall argument that these images are trying to tell us is that although alcohol is legal, it is definitely not any better (if not worse which the pictures clearly show) than marijuana is for human consumption. 

self-representation argument

   I attend SCSU. It is a big school with a lot of different buildings and parking lots, although there are never any parking spots open. The school colors are blue and white and the mascot is an owl. There are a lot of different people that go here and which means a lot of new people to meet. 

   I think that this school represents me because I am very into learning new things and meeting new people. That is pretty much what happens when a person goes to a new school or even just has a new experience. My grades are very important to me which is a big deal for being in college because without the good grades, there is nothing to look forward to after or in the future.